:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
