Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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