Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
