If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
