he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
