had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
