I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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