He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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