Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
