where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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