I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
