is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
