Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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