great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
