well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
