I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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