the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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