pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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