Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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