Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
