It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
