She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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