I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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