Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
