after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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