Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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