i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
