I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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