dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
