so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You can't special order awesome
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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