oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
