my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
