remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
