I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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