I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
