She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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