real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
