If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
