i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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