dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
