Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
