I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
