ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
