At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
