Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
