finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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