I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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