i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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