Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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