The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
