I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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