I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
