Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
