another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
