I must be too annoying 4 u.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
