Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
