Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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