Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
