i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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